yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
