ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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