Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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