Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
