My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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