Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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