$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
