ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
