the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
