you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
