so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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