She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We are two peas in an std pod
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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