I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
