I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
