Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
