Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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