Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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