Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
