I think i peed on brittanys purse
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
