I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
