is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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