that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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