We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
