You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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