a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
