AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
