Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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