You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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