i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
