separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
