did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your cock deserves a montage
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
