WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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