You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I supernannyed him into submission
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
