i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
