i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
