Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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