What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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