trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
