hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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