And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
