oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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