its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
