You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
