I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
