I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
