Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i drank out of a bidet.
Even my vagina gasped.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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