His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
