I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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