i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
