I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
