The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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