I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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