I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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