Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
