We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
