I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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