Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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