My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
