If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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