my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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