He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
