THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
