im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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