Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
