You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
