I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
