The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
