She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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