i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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