Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
True college students do jello shots in the library
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
