do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
