just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
