3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
