I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
