Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
