Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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