i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
