those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
