Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
