I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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