She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
