well most of my day revolves around power hour
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
