If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
