it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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