Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
