that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was born a porn star she said
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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